Wow it has been a long time since I wrote on the blog. I had to take a break and finish my second poetry book, The Sweetest Nectar. How are you? Are you taking care of yourself? I hope you are well 🙂
Yes, you did read the title right. I was told once before by someone, “I would’ve married you, but your parents are complicated.”
One thing I will say, men have the audacity. I knew this person as a friend and I remember him looking for someone to marry. I was even helping him look for someone. In all of our interactions, not ONCE had he mentioned his interest for me. I never looked at him, and said to myself, “Self, we want this man as a spouse.” Never. He was my friend, but obviously, he didn’t see it that way. And, before you mention whether I was oblivious, I was not. I promise.
You know what’s funny? He actually stopped talking to me when he got married. What’s even funnier, he went to everyone about me- telling them he wanted to be with me, but NOT ONCE told me his interest. At the time, I was single (still single), and honestly unavailable. But can I ask you a genuine question? When you’re interested in someone, do you tell them? Or do you tell the entire world about your interest in this person, but not the person? I promise I will not judge you.
I hate that because I am single, men think I am suddenly available. I stopped making myself available, which really means telling people I am looking for a husband. When you tell people you are looking, the door opens for nonsense. Suddenly, all the cousins are lining up for your hand in marriage. Your mom is trying to kick you out of the house. Your dad is becoming EXTRA overprotective. Your aunties are begging you to get married because you’re getting “too old,” whatever that means. Your friends are telling you to just settle and stop being picky. And the list goes on and on.
No one ever asks me what I want, or even when they do, I am being selfish. I have had a very traumatizing experience regarding marriage, which is why I keep talking about it on the blog. People think I am being picky. Let me tell y’all something really quick. Someone not wanting to settle for less DOES NOT mean they are picky. However you want to define what being picky looks like. I do not want to settle for anyone, I know what I am looking for and I just haven’t found him yet. That, my friends, doesn’t make me picky. Let’s read below for an example-
My parents gave me two men to choose from. Let’s call them Man A and Man B (I know it’s terrible but follow me here). Man A is in academia, a professor. He is a little bit older than me, so it’s difficult to have conversations with him. Any time we talked, he sounded like he was lecturing me about life. Man B has his own business. He is also older than me but not that much, like a couple of years. He is pretty chill.
Initially, I said no to both men. I said no to Man A because I didn’t like him as a person- there was no attraction there. In order to marry someone, you have to at least like the person right? You have to like who they are as a person. I am using the word like for my case. That is not me being picky. A counterargument to this might be, “Well, give him a chance, and you’ll eventually start to like him.”
I did. We talked for a few months and nothing came out of it for me. I did not want to waste this man’s time, so we stopped talking. Now, let’s talk about Man B. It was complicated with him, and it still is. I said no for personal reasons that I will talk about in another blog post (maybe). But you get the point?
I want to marry someone I actually like- no, I should marry someone I love. Not someone I have no desire in being with. I wish people would stop telling me how picky I am. Whatever that means. If I say no to my suitors there is obviously a reason, a good reason.
All in all, I am in a really good place at the moment. Peaceful too. I don’t know how to end this blog post, but I hope this made you laugh. More marriage nonsense blogs to come, be on the lookout. As always, thank you for reading.
Written by Diaka Thiam (ya favorite blogger)